~!Be Not Nobody!~

2006-07-16T02:51:00.000-04:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|	16%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Work ethic	\|\|	10%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

tehe

2006-06-27T01:25:00.000-04:00

If i told you some of the dreams i had, you'd laugh yourself silly.

who would ever dream of a giant carrot about to roll over them without realizing carrots roll in circles due to their cone shape

and who would ever dream of classmates being shot down by mad clowns in a time warped building

who could possibly dream of indulging oneself in chicken cushions

and even more brilliantly, the idea of eating bamboo through the eyes of a panda and making panda friends

who could even think of working on enhancing chocoloate molecules in a factory in mexico and paying little underpaid mexican children to taste test chemically modified chocolate that could potentionally kill them from the inside out?

oh, and did i ever tell you i had a dream of gackt and kang ta kissing?

oh my~

HAWT!

or not..

I read somewhere that people see gay men when they watch Kat-tun sing. I see hot sexy pandas singing, dancing and rapping..

uuhuuuhuuhuu..

thanks sherman for the ps2!

now i can ddr, pump it up, and para para for the rest of the summer.

possibly even borrow kingdom hearts..

sephiroth is mad hot!

2006-06-04T20:53:00.000-04:00

kami-sama.. kyou no kumo wa piinku desu..

kirei.. deshou..

nyo

2006-05-10T00:14:00.000-04:00

1. Taken a picture naked?
@. Maybe.. not.

2. Painted your room?
@. no

3. Madeout with a member of the same sex?
@. No

4. Driven a car?
@. No

5. Danced in front of your mirror?
@. tehehe..

6. Have a crush?
@. Yes

7. Been dumped?
@. Yes

8. Stole money from a friend?
@. No

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
@. No

10. Been in a fist fight?
@. No

11. Snuck out of your house?
@. No

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
@. Yes

13. Been arrested?
@. No

14. Made out with a stranger?
@. Never

15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
@. Yes

16. Left your house without telling your parents?
@. No

17. Had a crush on your neighboor?
@. No, I don't like middle aged men.

18. Ditched school to do something more fun?
@. Once...

19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex(non sexual)?
@. Yes

20. Seen someone die?
@. No

21. Been on a plane?
@. Yes

22. Kissed a picture?
@. Yes (tehe)

23. Slept in until 3?
@. Hah. till 5pm.

24. Love someone or miss someone right now?
@. Yes

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
@. Yes

26. Made a snow angel?
@. Yes. Snow is cold.. >_<

27. Played dress up?
@. I was 8.

28. Cheated while playing a game?
@. Yes

29. Been lonely?
@. Yes

30. Fallen asleep at work/school?
@. Is that even possible to not have?

31. Been to a club?
@. Yes

32. Felt an earthquake?
@. Yes

33. Touched a snake?
@. Yes

34. Ran a red light?
@. Huh.. can't drive.

35. Been suspended from school?
@. No

36. Had detention?
@. Yes. Once. Ew.

37. Been in a car accident?
@. Yes

38. Hated the way you look?
@. Quite.

39. Witnessed a crime?
@. Yes

40. Pole danced?
@. what the kupo... No

41. Been lost?
@. Yes. Subway.. how traumatic...

42. Been to the opposite side of the country?
@. No

43. Felt like dying?
@. For awhile..

44. Cried yourself to sleep?
@. For awhile..

46. Sang karaoke?
@. Ha.ha.ha... >=D

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
@. Yes

48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
@. No

49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
@. Once.

50. Kissed in the rain?
@. No

51. Sang in the shower?
@. ....YOU MAKE ME WANNA LA LA! ON THE KITCHEN ON THE FLOOR!

52. Made love in a park?
@. No

53. Had a dream that you married someone?
@. Yes

54. Glued your hand to something?
@. Yes (hehehehe, my other hand)

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
@. No

56. Ever gone to school partially naked?
@. Partially naked?

57. Been a cheerleader?
@. In my mind.

58. Sat on a roof top?
@. Yes

59. Didn't take a shower for a week?
@. No

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?
@. No

61. Played chicken?
@. Huh...

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
@. No

64. Broken a bone?
@. No

65. Been easily amused?
@. Only on the release of a high concentration of endorphins.

67. Mooned/flashed someone?
@. No

68. Cheated on a test?
@. A few times in grd 5.

69. Forgotten someone's name?
@. Younger grades confuse me.

70. Slept naked?
@. *undisclosed*

71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool?
@. No

73. Blacked out from drinking?
@. No

74. Played a prank on someone?
@. Yes

75. Gone to a late night movie?
@. Yes

76. Made love to anything not human?
@. No

77. Failed a class?
@. No

78. Choked on something ur not supposed to eat?
@. No (only thing was a penny, and I didn't choke)

79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours?
@. No

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend?
@. No

83. Felt like killing someone?
@. For awhile..

84. Felt like running away?
@. For awhile..

85. Ran away?
@. No

86. Done drugs?
@. No

87. Had detention and not attend it?
@. No

89. Made a parent cry?
@. No

90. Cried over someone?
@. Yes

91. Had sex more than 10 times in a day?
@. Whoa.. No

92. Dated someone more than once?
@. No

93. Had/Have a dog?
@. No

95. Own an instrument?
@. No

96. Been in a band?
@. Yes

97. Drank 25 sodas in a day?
@. Yes

98. Broken a CD?
@. No

99. Shot a gun?
@. No, not a real one.

100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends?
@. Yes

2006-04-28T16:44:00.000-04:00

Track and field bluuues~ the entire year, i wait for this day. It was one of the most looked-forwarded-to events and i had to screw up and get CHEST PAIN! ughh. that's for not working out enough. I missed my 50m, house relay, and triple jump, all of which i've been able to get 1st multiple times in past years and 3rd place for each in TDCAA. UGH!

on a brighter note, p-mall had this awesome clothing store (i know, so unlike me) which sold these dark black jeans and grunge clothing. The designs are fricking cool, and there was this stand which sold old styles 2 for $10. I am SO going there. there was also these pants with detachable pant legs and a mini skirt above. mannn... $100.. with multiple zippers in the pants and pantlegs, and the word DIE! on the pant legs.. SIGH* T_T

I never realized how many weeds my yard has.

wishlist:
ipod nano - black
digi cam - similiar size to ipod nano (ie: http://www.paramountzone.com/thindigitalcam.htm or http://dyn-images.hsn.com/is/image/HomeShoppingNetwork/113175?$pd300$)
nintendo ds
gameboy mini
panda plushies - peking the panda, beanie buddy TY

2006-04-25T21:58:00.000-04:00

If its 40 or over, you ARE spoiled!

( ) own car
(x) cell phone
( ) own phone line
(x) own bathroom
(x) own room
( ) built in pool
( ) guest house
(x) game room
(x) tv in your room
Total = 5

( ) full bed
( ) more than 20 pairs of shoes
(x) 10+ things from a designer store..
(x) good grades (kinda? xD)
( ) expensive sunglasses
(x) name brand purse
( ) ipod
( ) xbox
( ) ps2
(x) gamecube
(x) mp3 player
Total = 5

( ) range rover
( ) basketball hoop
( ) air hockey table
( ) pool table
( ) ping pong table
( ) foos ball table
( ) trampoline
( ) live on a lake or pond
( ) own a pair of skiis
( ) own a snowboard
Total = 0

( ) has a jet ski
( ) has a beach house or cabin
(x) only child
(x) stereo system in bedroom
( ) dvd player in room
(x) goes shopping every month
Total = 3

( ) goes snowboarding or skiing every week
(x) 2 + family cars
(x) perfume/cologne
(x) msn
(x) yahoo
(x) 50 dollars + for allowance
(x) own digital camera
( ) walk in closet
Total = 6

( ) electric scooter
( ) dirt bike
(x) 4-wheeler *rofl*
( ) guitar/drums
(x) hammock
( ) been on a cruise
(x) traveled out of the country
( ) personal fit trainer
(x) expensive jewelry
( ) owns prada bag (pra....da?)
( ) met a celebrity
Total = 4

(x) straightener/curling iron
(x) gets hair done/nails/spas
( ) on/was on a varsity or jv team for school (jv?)
( ) own batting cage
(x) 100+ in wallet/purse right now
(x) own savings account
( ) been to the carribean
(x) been to europe
( ) been to hawaii
Total = 5

( ) been to new york
( ) shopped in seattle
( ) eaten at the space needle in seattle
( ) been to mall of america
( ) spent $500 or more in mall of america
( ) been on the eifel tower in paris
( ) been on the statue of liberty in new york
(x) been to disney world or disney land
(x) been on honor roll for 2+ years?
( ) went on a trip for a sweet 16 birthday
(x) lives on private property
( ) license
(x) moved 3+ times
Total = 4

( ) sports car
( ) hot tub
(x) pet
( ) ranch
( ) verizon/sprint/cricket
( ) cingular
(x) virgin mobile (OMIGOODNESS!~! XDDDD)
( ) t-mobile
( ) been to 5+ states in the us
(x) don't have a job
(x) 100+ buddies on messenger?
Total = 4

(x) alarm clock
(x) home cooked meal almost every day
( ) eat out almost every day....no but nixon does
(x) been in a limo
(x) own camcorder
( ) own laptop computer ...deeeesworth does.
(x) own desktop computer
(x) someone loves you
Total = 6

=42.. OH COME ON!?!

2006-04-15T01:45:00.000-04:00

~stolen from liz n' snoia~
* popularly known as - Rebecca ~ Renn ~ Ebil Kitteh ~ Shikyo ~ Recca
* screen name(s) - Rennette ~ Shikyo
* parents race - Cantonese
* siblings - inapplicable
* zodiac - Saggitarius
* hair length - Growing.
* natural hair colour - Brown-Black
* current hair colour - Brown-Black, Orange, Dark Blonde
* piercings overall - Undisclosed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. my father thinks I am- smart. I just don't show it. (that's probably a false statement)
2. my mother thinks I am- lazy. NOT dumb. (that's probably a false statement too)
3. my lover thinks I am- whiny. and he's gone.
4. 3 things you are often complimented for- being a geek/gamer; being "lucky" or as I like to rephrase, "auspicious."; being skinny. (insulting sometimes, I'd like to think)
5. you get embarrassed when- something embarrasing happens. What's embarrasing? Referral to the modern societal standards encycopledia of stupidity, si vous plait.
6. what makes you happy- shiawase. hot dudes (heh). japanese merchandise and food.
7. what upsets you- animal abuse, misandrists, misogynists, low marks, low standards, reality.
... DO YOU ...
8. own a diary? this.
9. enjoy cooking? japanese soba, onigiri, seafood. yep, it's the best.
10. have a secret you have not shared withanyone? some.
11. set your watch a few minutes ahead? unfortunately, I confuse myself one too many times.
12. bite your fingernails? ew. no.
13. believe in love? no. not possible.
14. take a shower/bath every day? ew. who dosn't. >_>
15. have any tattoos? if so, where? undisclosureeee..
16. get motion sickness easily? twitch*
17. like thunderstorms? verily, i say. verily!
... WHO IS/ARE ...
18. the most gorgeous female you know? Don't know of any.
19. the weirdest person you know? Don't know of any that pass my standards.
20. the loudest person you know? Everyone who speaks louder than 80 decibels.
21. your close friends? Tiff C., Jenn Ling, Justin, Jeremy, 2 select individuals from grade 12. yea.. they're the closest.
... WHAT IS ...
22. your most overused phrase on IM? oh.. and my =D emoticon.
23. your favourite feature? my skinniness, my nose, my hairrr (>w<)
24. your favourite inside joke? Chahhhhlieee~

oh mannn..

2006-04-09T22:16:00.000-04:00

Oh mannn.... badminton training on friday has officially made my butt sore and possibly bigger as well. the latter scares me more though. I enjoy the glut pains a little. Although it's annoying whenever i walk down stairs or sit down or get up, it reminds me of how hard i practised last friday at Lee's for the upcoming badminton tournament on wednesday and the league games next monday. went to tiff's church after a sleepover last night.. didn't really get a good night's rest, but her kitty made up for it the next morning when i went downstairs and it started nudging me with it's head ^w^!!!!! i don't think i want to relive sunday school. tsyaaa... it was nice though.. met some 1st year there named nick who takes life sci in york. he was cool. and met some ex-pca-goers. the traitors the bunch are *arrr*.. i hope the 6 hours of training last friday are enough tho. i need to refortify again on tuesday and go to worship practise on monday.. urggg.... friday is my only "day off with nothing after school" day. >_____> at least the tests didn't pile up like last week.. kekeke

anime

2006-03-22T21:15:00.000-05:00

another episode of anime ratings! yea, skipping, skipping, skipping over the last few days at lizzie's church and my gunbound and maple story marathons that ended 5am in the night, ANYWAYS.

I'm just bored enough to ignore english (tale of two cities, seriously, how'd such a BORING author with such a COMPLICATED writing style ever become FAMOUS!? is it because of his use of language and grammar is so unique that NO ONE understands it? if that's true, i could right a book on slangs "nyu, nyo, pyuu, uyuu (stolen xD)" and a zillion other things and get famous of that. HAH! i win.

ANYWAYS, back to the anime ratings. oh fun, oh joy, christmas christmas time is here~

... scary.. e_e the chipmunk dude's habits are infectious.

OK. ANIME. RIGHT. btw, take a moment and vote for my friend who entered the buckleys competition. if not for me, for the $1 off coupon they will send you for buckleys merchandise. XD http://www.buckleys.com/bad_taste_tour/vote.cfm?id=1137

SO. ANIME.... (as i will be listing off the top of my head)

slayers - 5 stars, kinda old, but has the typical magic/melee in a created world kinda plot. mainly quests and adventures and funny things happened, has 3 seasons (that continue the story one after the other) and a total of 80 episodes and 3 movies. Yes, i've watched them all, and the 3 seasons were given to me by a friend from badminton. it was 7 cds..

inuyasha - 4 stars, good animation and plot, but seems to drag on and on and on. the english dub kinda ruined it for me as well since everyone sounds sarcastic. if I had watched the entire series in japanese w/ subs, perhaps it would be a 4.5.

full metal alchemist - 5 stars, good animation and plot. friend lent it to me, took a LONG time to finish. it was approx, 6/7 cds as well. took 2 days to finish.. ahh~! and the movie for full metal alchemist wraps up the entire tv series.

full metal panic - 4.5 stars. has 3 seasons, and 54 episodes in total. the first season is mainly military events and the 2nd is mainly school events. fumoffu, the second is probably the funniest and the 3rd season is the wrap up of the entire story.

tokyo mew mew - 3.5 stars. 52 episodes of 5 girls that can transform to save the world, typical magical girl plot, except these girls turn into animal-ish people. they have the strangest names.. Ichigo (strawberry), mint, lettuce, zankuro (plum), and pudding. seriously, who names their kid mint, lettuce, or pudding.. >_>?!

marmalade boy - 3 stars. 76 episodes of 2 classic love triangles going on. typical, somewhat average art, and the plot isn't very creative. cmon.. it's supposedly a CLASSIC.. >_>

di gi charat - 3.5 stars. 15 short 5-minute episodes in the first season.. somewhat crappy art, but creative plot and cute story as well as character design. it's a hilarious series. plus there is a second and 3rd as well as 4rth season.. I believe they're called spring, summer, and panyo panyo.. the voices get a little annoying after awhile.

hellsing - 4 stars. it's a typical vampire series that dosn't really have much plot. there is a lot of gory action and (i only like it because alucard "dracula backwards" is a "good" vampire that works for this agency) some creative history and background information behind it. 13 episodes, beware, even though it is short, it requires patience to watch if you're not into these kinds of anime.

pokemon - 2 stars. a zillion pokemon in 1 episode, a zillion episodes in 1 season, a zillion seasons in 1 anime, Why do they have so much stuff to stick in!? even the pokemon designs get crappier with each season. they said that there were only 150 pokemon, now it's escalated to .. what? 380?! anyways, i gave up on this awhile ago. the "quest for becoming the master" jsut NEVER EVER ends, and this is with multiple people. Just STOP the series at one point and let it become a classic. seriously, the art is so simple, and they constantly spam pikachu's image around. i am so sick of this series.. @_@

digimon - 3.5 stars. i only watched the first season, it was pretty good.. until it began mass spamming the world with new digimon, just like it did with pokemon. NO.COMMENT. though character designs were better than pokemon.

chobits - 4.5 stars. cute story, cute plot, short episodes, cute ending. >w< and the main character is naive and cute in her own way. plus the opening and ending songs were well put, as well as the mucha style art shown in specific chobits artbooks. this is an expensive series +_+

fruits basket - 4.5 stars. the characters had freak eyes that were about a quarter size of their heads. anyways, there is the love triangle thing going on cuz the main character is so loveable. the animation has average art, but the plot is creatively done.

azumanga daioh - 4 stars. 1 word. cuteness. anyways, the series also prioritizes on irony and humour. unfortunately, this also calls for a certain degree of repetition in events in some episodes to make it funny. i believe there are.. 26 episodes (i'm at 12) and some episodes require some patience to watch because some seem totally pointless.

ichigo mashimaro - 2 stars. okay, i can't think of any way to put this. it's similiar to azumanga daioh in cuteness, except it has insanely BORING periods in the plot. i remember watching the first episode, where they were making a cig tray for the older sister, and they had to stay up till 12am. they kept falling asleep and waking up at random times to wake the others up to help finish the tray. then the older sister comes home and finds them all sleeping and hardly finished on the tray. anyways, 20 minutes of this were the repetitive actions of falling asleep and waking up. INSANELY.BORING.

sailormoon - well, apparently this is a classic, but it's been like this for so long that people dislike it now. it was one of the first anime series introduced and this was what i grew up on. I used to think this was the best anime ever, but i grew out of it. now looking back, i only rate if a 2. it has 150+ episodes.

gundam wing - 3 out of 5. boring series, character designs are good, but not much plot.. actually, it's more of a military plot, not my style, so i didn't like it much since most of it dragged on and on and on and on..

gundam seed

bleach

naruto

mahou sensei negima

ff: advent children

escaflowne

pita ten

cardcaptors

pretear

.hack//SIGN

witch hunter robin

one piece

ragnarok the animation

yu-gi-oh

dragonball Z

boys be

kaikan phrase

gravitation

dnangel

love hina

saint seiya

honey and clover

weiss kreuz

(HOLY CRAP! THAT TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE OUT!!!!!) but i swear, there's more that i can't remember at the moment too... >_>

ahhhhh!

2006-03-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

WHAT A DAY! lollllllll* tiff c and jenn and i went to pmall at 12. played some parapara *w00t got the highest scores for like 3 times* then we took picture stickers and that evil lady keeps looking into the curtain to check on us. (Did i mention i forgot my wallet in orbit? LOL we RAN back to get it kekeke) and then walked to K beside the dead swiss chalet place. we K'ed for 2.5 HOURS which costed like $12 each, but they gave us 2 choices of food and drinks. We all had like.. milk or lemon tea, and dumplings, and sandwiches, and fish balls.. XD so cheapppppppppp XD and we picked THE wierdest songs to song.. rofl* lady marmalade, these 30 min chinese songs, and even SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS! lolol* anyways, then we walked back and tiff had to leaaaave... poo.. then jenn and i found another sticker photo place which was cheaper than the other place with nicer backgrounds and such.. I HOPE THE OTHER PLACE CLOSES CUZ THE PEOPLE WHO RUN IT ARE SO EVIL! BWAHAHAHAHA!~ anyways, we then got drinks and checked out smart maple and left.. aughh.. what a day.. I also saw sandra and jon r. in pmall as i left.. how strange..

quiz timeeee

2006-03-09T00:43:00.000-05:00

Appearance
[] I am shorter than 5'4.
[] I have many scars.
[] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different colour.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from a job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something. (you would never believe what)
[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox. (BAD chicken pox)

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've been an abuse victim.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten Sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[x] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of commitment.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I'm in love.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I love to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[ ] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test. (AHH! IT WAS GRADE 5!!)
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[x] I've shoplifted. (I WAS 6! and it was a tube of those mini M&M's.. yea.. the supermarket is out of business now, but NOT for that reason.)

Depression and Self-harm
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic. (some say i am)
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[x] I've cried myself to sleep.
[ ] I see a therapist.
[x] I've seen a therapist. (LIZZIE!)

Death and Suicide
[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[x] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.

Political/Social Attitudes
[x] In general, I don't like people.
[x] I'm a feminist.
[ ] I'm very outgoing.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I'm Democratic. (huh?)
[ ] I'm Republican. (huh?)
[ ] I'm liberal.
[x] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[x] I'm religious.
[ ] I'm against homosexual marriage. (impartial?)
[x] I dress fairly modestly.
[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."
[ ] I'm pro-choice. (huh?)

Random
[x] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[x] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I like being neat.
[x] I love Spam
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, RED or blue
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] My answers are totally honest.

nya~ quiz

2006-03-06T22:03:00.000-05:00

Taken from Tiffy's blog, nyu!

1. My uncle once: strapped me (who was screaming in protest) to the seat on a bicycle and created one of my childhood's most traumatic experiences back then.

2. Never in my life: was I true to myself

3. When I was five: I learned to skate, and was pretty darn good at it, till I got bored and quit.

4. High School was: and is, currently the best years of my life, with a few particular bad experiences here and there.

5. I will never forget: (there's no one i can truly put here that i can mean)

6. I once met: the guy who lent me all 256 episodes of slayers (who used to be in my badminton class) in the subway.. and introduced him to Mrs. Lindstrom.. one of the dumber antics of my grade 9 life.

7. There's this girl I know who: smells like wet socks. and still does.

8. Once, at a bar: never been to a bar.

9. By noon I'm usually: cutting in the caf line and running around while eating, doing whatever I'm doing.

10. Last night: I lay in bed from 1am-3am, just because I couldn't sleep

11. If I only had: the skill to forget people easily.

12. Next time I go to church: Don't go to church.

13. What worries me most: Mr. Lee and his uneccessary and slightly insulting lectures on badminton.

14. When I turn my head left, I see: my printer and wall?

15. When I turn my head right, I see: the rest of my room? particularily a whole mess on my desk, plus 2 bags of jumbo sized chips, a tube of chocolate strawberry candy, 5 empty and used mugs, 2 binders, 4 notebooks, 2 notepads, the msot recent yearbook, an empty nestea can, my uniform on a chair, 2 black bags, my keyboard, my light/lamp, my japanese books, shelving units, my stereo, and 2 mini speakers, plus another large speaker connected to my stereo?

16. You know I'm lying when: i hate you.

17. What I miss most about the 80s: born in 89, i miss being a baby.

18. If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: Juliet: Ye noise? then i shall be brief! this is thy sheath! there rust! and let my die!!!! *huah!* (lol sonia!)

19. By this time next year: UT, University College, Med Sci Building, Laptop, Lectures, Nerding away my life.

20. A better name for me would be: Rennette?

21. I have a hard time understanding: apathetic dude.

22. If I ever go back to school: chances are, I'll hibernate in bio/bible/law again.

23. You know I like you if: smile a lot?

24. If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: *RELIGIOUS TRICK QUESTION*

25. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Mozart. Darwin's theory is ludicrous, and i don't know the other two.

26. Take my advice -never: fornicate.

27. My ideal breakfast is: bacon. (i live off that stuff, disgusting, ye?)

28. A song I love, but do not have is: the MV of Double by BoA (i must learn it!!)

29. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you go up the CN tower and jump to your death if you're emo.

30. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: tulips pwn.

31. Why won't anyone: be my slave.. xD

32. If you spend the night at my house: leave your shirt behind. XD J/K

33. I'd stop my wedding for: the person i love? although I'd like to believe that I'd be marrying the person i love.

34. The world could do without: roller coasters, dumb guys, preppy girls.

35. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat it.

36. My favorite blonde is: huh... KimKitty or Emmar?

37. Paper clips are more useful than: paper :P

38. If I do anything well it's: sleeping

39. And by the way: ~buy me plushies~

40. The last time I was drunk: not possible. drunk + me = error

Full House

2006-02-27T18:13:00.000-05:00

spent 16 hours on the weekend watching Full House. was pleasantly suprised. int he background, was downloading FMP: fumoffu as well as Pita Ten while each of the eps loaded. Full House was something unexpected.. so sweet, so emotional, (though the main character was a jerk sometimes) and the main girl character was ... how shall i say.. tolerant. Anyways, i ended up learning a korean song. was getting sonia and michael kim to write out the lyrics and teach me how to sing it in spare.. kekeke. and was teaching michael kim how to say pork chop in chinese. "Joor PAH! NOT JOO BAH" hehehehehe so funny. and Lang Jai, which could mean pretty boy or gangster. hahaha! he said he would call justin that, and i didn't realize he meant gangster until i asked him why he thought justin was pretty.. Oo

Sanoya: Mau tau ying; Michael Kim: mousey-san; Justin: Butchkitty; Lizzy: lizard-breath; Jasmine: Gassy-san; Jane: Puppy-hair-san.

Anyways, back to studying. I'm off to buy a new watch in the next few days. had my eyes on the mp3 watch in FMP for awhile.

EDIT: feeling pissy again. idiot. didn't even bother. i wont' either. i still need more surveyers. ugh. i don't want to be held down by an idiot. nor will it ever be reversed. how childish this is. yet in all importance, they underestimate me. they cannot watch all my actions all the time, nor does keeping an invisible site tracker make me feel any more accomplished like they do. I'll be myself, and live on, wallowing in my own despair, and i will not accept any pity or pain from them because i choose to remain in the same spot and despair.

I don't understand how a human being can lose others so easily. How heartless. because they are content with replacements.

impossible

2006-02-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

"Find a guy who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for a boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty no matter what you wear. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he care about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "... that's her."

so sweet; so shallow; so sad; so inconveniently impossibe; and vice versa?

The pens are here!

2006-02-21T16:44:00.000-05:00

The pens are here as justin has just told me >w< happiness exploooooooooooooooosion! But yea, i have yet to find out what place the kiwanis ppl got xP i must ask soon! It's so troublesome, badminton. To have it placed on thursday afterschool. Along with fideles after school and mini med as well. obviously i'm going to go to chapters during spare with sonia and wait for the other people to finish. xP but yes.. i still have to hand in that paper to mrs aug for the spring concert.. and i must remember to go to the formal meeting at lunch on thurs. and i must hand in the yearbook write up by friday. and i must do devotions on thursday, and i must find mr barkman sometime soon to pick up the permission form. *inner renn-chan: *scream* so much to doooo!~ so little time~~

anyways, back to watching futurama on youtube. :P

I'm back! with a pinch of merry ribbons~

2006-02-19T22:23:00.000-05:00

Yawn~ been watching anime allll day for the past 2/3 days on the weekend. I've almost accomplished Kaikan Phrase, Hellsing, Pita Ten, Tokyo Mew Mew, Ichigo Mashimaro, and some extra Bleach episodes. I have to admit, Bleach wasn't all that i expected it to be.. oh well. Kaikan Phrase seemed to move really fast, but it was interesting. Hellsing is very cool. Given a rating out of 10, i'd give it an 8.5 just for the plot and unique style. Pita Ten and Tokyo Mew Mew are cute anime shows, although Pita Ten is more of a Dokuro-chan, bloody-angel plot and Tokyo Mew Mew is more of a sailormoon-ish plot.

For those who haven't understood a thing I just said.... go watch some anime :P

anyways, after about half a year or so, I decided that the mundane effects of msn spaces have finally bored me half to death to not post any crap i experience in everyday life. It's a shame that msn spaces has that awesome feature that screens out the scum that read it, but that dosn't allow me to post whatever nonsense i experience anyways.

THEREFORE! I am back, the carefree me. Blogger dosn't deserve my presence, but I'm a giver. XD just kiddingz0rs!

~Renn-chan

.Stubborn.Old.Me.

2005-09-21T16:57:00.000-04:00

I don't care if you don't understand.. I don't care if you don't care.. I don't care if you just want to ignore me.. I don't care if you go find someone new.. I don't care if you hurt me.. I don't care if you are happy from leaving.. I don't care if you spread rumours.. I don't care if you leave..

But I won't stop caring..

I don't care if you don't read this.. I don't care if you don't comment.. I don't care if you swear at me like from before.. I don't care if you get mad at me anymore..

I don't care if I cry to sleep every day, you don't either, because like you've said before, crying by myself is pointless, but there's nothing I can do if you don't care.. I don't care if you hate me.. I don't care if you distance yourself from me because you won't tell me what's wrong.. I don't care if I'm not as good as si si with her advice.. I don't care if I don't go to your fellowship or church.. I don't care if you tell how worthless I am because I don't go to church.. I don't care if you look to others for help each time you hurt.. I don't care if you think of me as crap.. I don't care if you do something just to hurt me on purpose.. I don't care if you think I'm immature.. because I am.. but people change, and you can't accept that.. I don't care if you delete my comments, no matter how pointless they are.. I don't care if you find my repetitive posts annoying, since that's the only thing that's been on my mind these 3 months.. I don't care if you don't give me another chance since you never told me what I was doing wrong in the beginning. I don't care!

yet i do.. how cruel I am.. to myself..

How stubborn..

_______________________________________________

Sadistically Beautiful

For the longest time, the feeling of longing and despair haunted me. My consciousness, my dreams, my thoughts, my yearnings. Loneliness has become a daily visitor, like a wave that washes over me when I least expect it, and like a wave, there is nothing I can do but accept it, or run in vain. Those petty thoughts and actions that I use to distract myself with are as it is described. Petty. Nothing really seems clear anymore. There is no guiding light, no warmth of any fire, no presence of compassion, nor any shred of hope left in this cold barren world for me. What is there to rely on? Why, there is yourself, but even at times, you amaze yourself when you fail to overcome the most trivial matters and bumps in your life. Is that what I feel as of now? It has been that way for awhile and there hasn't been anything that could be done that could improve my state. Do I want to change that? Secretly, I don't. It's this impending feeling that I must serve the despair I've caused for others and myself. Does anyone really deserve this? Well, that's questionable. The obvious answer is yes, we all do. I just choose to accept it. Acceptance is the first step to recovery right? It's quite possible that I could disprove that as of now. There is no one to rely on in the world except yourself and those who have inevitably proved to be one of your uttermost companions struggling along beside you in life. Whether to acheive similiar goals or not, the goal for success and overcoming this grief is the same. It amazes me of how others can overcome this obstacle through denial. It is not denial, for that is just a word that denies them as well of the true meaning of cowardice. Courage you say? Courage to deny your own problems and ignoring them? Hah. Their simple minds boggle the complexity of the logic given to us. People tell us to move on and to forget about it. What good would that give, for one can never forget, no matter how hard they try. They may temporarily forget, but they may and will be reminded of it at times. At the same time, seeking for forgiveness in my situations is hopeless. How others can choose to seek their own forgiveness, yet ignore to forgive others, I cannot understand but that is the situations in this type of despair that I am caught in. This curse that locks me in an iron-bar cage that prevents even the tiniest of mice from escaping. This cage traps the memories and guilt, and the only one who can open it has already sought their own redemptions, yet refuses to give it to others. Such a cruel fool that digs their own grave the moment they have climbed out of the previous one that they fell into. The beautiful hate that spawns from the hurt and pains that has never been cured nor healed. The hate that came from the absence of compassion when the fool left to repair their own pride. Nor a second glance back to the hurt they left behind, believing that it was all gone and would never come again. Of course, they would have to find their own ailments to ease their own emptiness. Up until today, I do not believe even once that their pride was ever broken, for they have enough minions and fawners over them. If their actions carry onto others, they will never be forgiven, just as how I lack the ability to forgive someone who has kept me in the dark, alone, spited me, mocked me, stole all that was once mine, turned all my friends against me, yet denies all this because of the denseness of their tiny mind and lack of emotional range. Am I bitter? I sure as hell am, but I shall never show this to others. I've tried before, and all I've recieved were insults or corrections from former friends, current enemies that have turned against me because of them. Fiendish. Yet in all this, loneliness is a beautiful thing. It's a sense of undescribable emptiness that causes pain and suffering. That one emotion can cause all these thoughts and despair is beautiful, in the sense that it definitely rules over "love." From that experience, no one's love will ever equal nor surpass the feeling of hate, guilt, anger, or deepest loathing. With exception to one being. Yet there are those that question his existence. I am one. How can one make us in His image, when we sin. It's not forgiveness, nor pity, nor lies, nor anger, nor the sin I have felt or done, but the question of how such a being can exist in a world full of torment. If this being so exists, how can they love a world like us. Given all the proof from previous sources, I cannot fathom such a phenomenom. The only excuse I go by, is faith. Just because a book exists on this, does not mean it is true. Just because there is numerous amounts of truth written that support this book, does not mean it is true. One cannot base their life on something that is not divine without absolute faith, and that is what I lack. And that is what no one can give me since it was taken away from me so long ago. How beautiful.

.What.I.Look.For.

2005-09-20T17:36:00.000-04:00

What I look for in a guy..
1. asianness
2. maleness
3. caringness, even through hard times
4. being there for me, or trying to..
5. non-one-night stands
6. long-term
7. persistant
8. cares enough for me to make me totally believe that I trust them completely.
9. waited for me, and wouldn't dump me some time after just because they lost interest..

Is it strange for someone to cry themselves to sleep? is it strange that they would throw up because their mind just can't take the abuse after 3 months of crying themselves to sleep every night from depression? but.. what can you do.. the one person who can change that won't..

.Can.I.Do.Anything.

2005-09-19T21:31:00.000-04:00

It's just as you've said, I've went and seeked (sought?) pity. Despite how demeaning that sounds, I have. Strangely, it wasn't too bad, and I felt a lot better afterwards. I had overcome some barriers i didn't even know were there and I'm feeling quite fine now.. What makes me wonder is why everyone suddenly has come down with depressionitis, or had somehow hit a giant brick wall in front of their life. I didn't mean to cause that.. I really didn't.. and I really hope I can help.. Can I do anything?

Okay, I lied.. After awhile, I began having these huge mood swings (no, I'm pretty sure I'm not pmsing since I've been having them almost everyday for the past 3 months). my inner turmoil is so turmoiling that I really am going in circles. The only way I can get over it is to ignore it, but it is only a temporary antidote. It'll never work in the longrun and I'm facing these two decisions I have to make. I won't go into much detail, but my first option is to stay the same. Despite how cliche that sounds, that's what I'm doing, but along with little comfort that's providing me, it's also causing me much insecurity and infallible depression that I try to squish down at the bottom of my mind. My other option, is to let go... but I cannot.. Although I haven't tried, it's obvious the other party does want to let go..

.Trying.To.Change.

2005-09-18T23:03:00.000-04:00

After many arguments and debates with my other self (that resides amongst my other other selves in my mind but is truely just a figment of my imagination) I had decided, that I must stop eating the chocolate that is lying beside my hand at the time I am typing this.. I decided, that by the time I'm done, the chocolate will still me there, and inside the wrapper, instead of just an empty wrapper as always. I deem that it is my parents fault.. They did not hide it well enough.. I had discovered a stash of 3 chocoloate bars in the fridge where they keep the eggs. Don't ask why I was looking for eggs.. The only thing I can cook are omelettes anyways.. Any I have inhaled 2.5 of the 3 packs of chocolate I had found 10 minutes earlier.. No, I don't have a sweet tooth.. I just haven't seen junk food for a long time.. Oh how I have suffered those 2 days with no junk food.. T_T

But yeah, seriously, I really need to change.. I was talking to jeremy earlier and he told me he had finished his english essay a week ago (while I realized that I spent 8 hours procrastinating the other night on it). From now on, I must do my homework the day it is assigned, or at least the day before it is due first thing if it's assigned the day before it is due.. Right now, I had just polished off my english essay, SAP quiz, math quiz, english quiz, accounting, math homework, and watched the hour long dvd I recieved from Mr. Vermont for 30$.. Some people may say that 30$ is a lot, but it's 6 dvd's, making it 5$ each, and if it could improve my mark by 10%, it is definitely worth it for me.

I also need to get over myself.. I honestly need to stop being so competitive, jealous, envious, procrastinating, and being hard on a certain person.. and maybe others too, now that I think about it.. I really need to shape up.. .... .... ... mm... okay.. I lied, the chocolate's 100% gone now.. OvO it was really good..

I need more.. T_T

.Thanks.To.Those.Who.Pulled.Me.Through.

2005-09-17T14:16:00.000-04:00

Thanks to those who pulled me through, and stuck with me during hard times.. Thanks to those who were always there, despite who else they were talking to.. Thanks to those who listening, despite what I was saying.. Thanks to those who always responded, as often as they could.. Thanks to those who talked to me first, they made me feel really special.. Thanks to those who acknowledged me happily, even if they were talking to others.. Thanks to those who asked for my help, I've always been glad to give it.. Thanks to those who still care about me, that my life, now I want to live it..

No, i didn't not steal that.. Most of lines don't even rhyme, but that's because I typed that all up in 30 seconds.

Tiff C - you were always there for me.. through rough times and sad times.. I always depended on you for so many things.. Even if are busy so much, thanks for the banana picture.. ;) (I still have the negatives)

Tiff Ng - although I don't talk to you much, and you prolly won't read this, thanks for meeting me.. Thanks for talking to me when you could, and thanks for being there..

Chris - thanks for the advice and everything else you said to me... for comforting me when I went through those "times" where I just wanted to lie in bed and die for certain reasons..

Dana - you've had your share of my annoying behaviour, and yet I still can say, you're so awesome! in your own way.. Personally, through all the pain that you've been through, you're such a strong person..

Sonia - gerardgasming right? Thanks for always listening to my troubles.. even if you don't know what to say sometimes, I can relate as well... >> we must conquer accounting!!! i'm still 200 off.. are you? T_T

Elizabeth - lizzie.... thanks for cheering my up by singing the egg song.. you have no idea how much that means to me (singing songs, not the egg song) and me singing along with them.. it makes me feel that I can still relate to someone..

Jasmine - Thanks for so much, especially the free scratchies.. It's strange, cuz that's a really good anime that's filled with a lot of lessons I've learned these few months..

Jennifer - though you prolly won't get around to reading this (since you're so busy) i want to thank you.. Although sometimes I feel competitive (with your pens, haha~) when i see you in school, I just want to say that I hope you won't hate me for that.. thanks for helping me with so many things.. we'll support each other till the very end! that's a promise!

Justin - who would I have been if I hadn't met you? Well, let's see.. I wouldn't have a life during summer and I wouldn't have met nathan and played all those awesome games. In a way, you gave me so many lasting memories

Jeremy - heyyy, thanks for listening (and victimizing yourself) when I was feeling down.. and grumpy.. and crabby.. and siu hei.. and annoyed.... Those movie recaps were so funny.. =D

Victor - thanks for helping out with so many of my problems in the past.. although not everything has been solved, you've still taught me so many things.. TwT

Karen - heyy, thanks for listening to my problems as well.. and for trying to help me with them too.. =) don't forget, one must wait.. -w-

Aaron - and you, thanks for telling me some interesting stories.. Even if you "don't think you have friends" (which I kno you're joking when you say that /heh) you do~ and update your blog, you have no idea how awesome your posts are, and I don't say that to just anyone.. =)

Jason - Thanks for caring some times ago.. I miss that now, but It'd be rude of me to ask.

.Competitive.Streak.

2005-09-16T18:49:00.000-04:00

Are you competitive? I think I am.. I take note of so many things that aren't meant to be and I try to be better.. It's a good thing, yet it's a bad thing.. It's good that I try to improve. It's bad that I try by using other people as motivation.. It's bad that I fall disappointed when I get beaten.. It's bad that I get disappointed when I don't acheive. But dosn't everyone? Isn't everyone competitive, no matter how little it is?
I spend so much time planning things out and doing them that sometimes there's no reason or point for me to.. In the end, so many people can beat me in so many things, even if i continue to strive to be the best. That's not neccesarily a bad thing, but it gets quite discouraging and sometimes I would stop trying. But if something was that important to me, I won't give up!

.Short.And.Simple.

2005-09-15T19:11:00.000-04:00

Short and simple. Simplicity is a complexity of people, isn't it? When you claim you are a sincere person and when someone does something to annoy you in which they do not know of, you don't give them a chance. You just get short-tempered and start "critizising" them. Are you supposed to be like that?
When people are trying to be kind, to be light-hearted and to cheer you up, do you act like that to everyone else? Perhaps you do cuz you're trying to be polite and acknowledge them. I'm sure you don't go "..." and "no" when they try to joke around and lighten the mood, yet somehow annoy you with others.
This is the first time I've ever tried so hard, and yet I still get consistantly "push me away." Simplicity is a curse. Simple minds who are always looking for friends, yet push away those who are there for them.
Short and simple. Simple and cruel.

.Someone.To.Acknowledge.Me.

2005-09-13T23:37:00.000-04:00

I've never realized how many morals there could be in an anime series.. Especially in Fruits Basket.. I've just finished watching episode 23 and most of the series is based on finding comfort in the main character who gets involved in a family with a lot of conflict and somehow manages to fix many problems.. One of the main morals were to believe in yourself and when someone acknowledges you, you're able to forgive yourself of your mistakes a little more instead of wallowing in a world of suffering.. Up until now, I've never really thought of who sees me as a person.. Sure, there are people who just see me as the "girl who is hyper" or the "girl who is no fun at all" but when I think about it, I know people who acknowledge me as a person with a life..
Even when they cannot be there for me, they are those who bring me comfort just by knowing they remember who I am when they do see me. There are people who cause me distress when they are there, and even some when they aren't there, but I'm just glad that there are those who like me for who I am, what I do, and can accept my flaws. I can forgive myself a little bit more for my faults when I remember that they are there and they care for my well-being and probably don't want me to think of me by all the things I've done wrong and all the things I hate about myself. Thank you.

.From.A.Nobody.To.A.Somebody.

2005-09-12T16:43:00.000-04:00

Are you one of those people that make friends just so you would have more people acknowledge you? I may be a very jealous person by saying this, but there are times that I have no power in helping anyone and someone else may have all the knowledge in the world when you turn to them and ask them for help.. So many relationships are formed just from asking for help and helping others, it makes me worry sometimes. Worry in my own sense that I can't stop anything inevitable and would later on affect me. But in being someone that worries about things like that, I sometimes go into a lose-lose situation.
There are so many times when i walk through the halls, I look around like I'm so much better than everyone else. There are so many ways to look at that if you say someone do that.. You could say they're condescending, or bold, or heartless, or insecure.
So often, each day i'm plagued by that problem, that I have to rely on myself to move on in life. It's true to some aspect, when you become dependant on someone who'll hurt you in the future, but when you do rely on someone, and they actually acknowledge you, that's awesome.. In my heart, there's a mass list of everyone I know, and in there are 4 columns. People I trust inevitably, People I shall not trust inevitably, People I want to trust but may not have the confidence to do that or have the trust broken, and people I don't know about yet.
I sometimes wonder if everyone has these feelings, and whether I'm on any "trusting" columns. I can think of many 2 people that have me on a "people i want to trust but cannot" list, and those are people that continually hurt me unknowingly and that makes them put into the same column as well for me.

.Give.me.back.my.time.

2005-09-11T19:59:00.000-04:00

From my previous blog, solicitude, comes passive moments where neither would post nor comment. Gratitude to those who commented invariably, but this is the new blog for me. After months of empty posts, an unsettling feeling made me realize that the blog was dead. In due time will this blog flourish again as the old but as of now, maintenance is still required until then.

There were many times where I wished to blog but felt the reason was not well up to this fraction of space on the net. Constant moment that nagged me to make a new blog, but yet i had to make sure of many things first. I've made it past many things and now I'll be starting up a new blog and leaving solicitude in it's frozen state.